Email Service Notes (Jesse)

Your Original Email

Much of auto aftermarket vertical depends on the offline service ability, especially in auto maintenance market. The whole service efficiency and quality depends on offline service ability, which has important implications for user to select and experience. Meanwhile, the new retail concept and model are developing rapidly, and more attention is paid to the deep integration of online service, offline experience and modern logistics. For traditional online service, the ability of offline service becomes more important. For now, construction of the offline service system for China auto aftermarket is mainly consisted of three parts: brand construction, service construction and infrastructure construction. These parts are closely connected. The infrastructure needs strong fund support and promotion support. Service construction needs good cooperation and rewards. And the good service brand should rely on complete infrastructure construction and service construction.

Your Edited Email

Much of the auto aftermarket vertical (what does vertical mean in this sentence?) depends on the offline service ability, especially in the auto maintenance market. The whole of service efficiency and quality depends on the offline service ability, which has important implications for users to select and experience. Meanwhile, the new retail concept and model are developing rapidly, and more attention is being paid to the deep integration of online service, offline experience and modern logistics. For traditional online service, the ability of offline service is becoming more important. For now, construction of the offline service system for the Chinese auto aftermarket mainly consists of three parts: brand construction, service construction and infrastructure construction. These parts are closely connected. The infrastructure needs strong fund support and promotion support. Service construction needs good cooperation and rewards. And the good service brands should rely on complete infrastructure construction and service construction.

This one was a little hard to understand due to how technical it is, so I suggest reviewing it in class before sending it.