Open F2F Class Notes April 21st (Ben)

Original

Most people in the modern society have an experience that we – so anxious and feel unsafe when we are out of home. But our phone is out of power. Currently, we found a new device which can prize power for us when our phone is out of power.

I tried this kind of device today and I feel it is very convenient and very helpful because we’re so anxious that we even go back home to charge our phone

But nowadays we don’t worry about anymore because we have shared power bank in shopping mall or in some restaurants

We will share everything in the future, nowadays we shared bicycles cars, power banks and which is pretty convenient to our life. And improve our efficient.

But every time a new things appeared, an old things disappear. Like the shared bicycle will distributed bicycle industry and shared power bank maybe will destroyed the power bank.

But it’s a good thing, it’s like evolution of the product in our life. Our society will be more efficient with the develop of technology and business.

Edited version

Most people in the modern society have an experience of being so anxious and feeling unsafe when they are out of home but their phone is out of power.

(=Most people have experienced being anxious when outside with a dying phone)

Currently, we can find a new device in public places and which can provide power for us when our phone is out of power.

(Currently, a new device is being developed / Recently, a new device was developed)

I tried this kind of device earlier today and I felt it was very convenient and very helpful.

Today, we are sometimes so anxious that we can even go back home to charge our phone.

But soon we won’t worry about that anymore because we will have shared power banks in shopping malls or in some restaurants

We will share everything in the future. Nowadays we share bicycles, cars, power banks and this is pretty convenient to our life and it improves our efficiency.

But every time a new thing appears, an old one disappears. Just like the shared bicycles have disrupted the bicycle industry, shared power banks will maybe disrupt the power bank market.

But it’s a good thing, thanks to the evolution of products, our life also evolves. Our society will be more efficient with the development of technology and business.

1. Make a clear decision about the tense of the story: past, present or future?
2. They or We ?
3. an experience of doing
4. about + it/that/something
   1. Don’t worry about that !
5. Just like…..

Teachers’s version

Improvements : connecting words (however,…) AND guiding sentences (that give the general idea at the beginning of a paragraph)

–

Most of us have already experienced being anxious when we are outside with a dying phone and there is no charger in sight.

However, we can now find new devices in public places that allow us to charge our phone before it runs out of power.

These pieces of equipment fit on a restaurant table and can plug in to your mobile devices.

I had the opportunity to try one of those earlier today in a Korean restaurant nearby and I felt it was very convenient and very helpful.

I think it’s a big step forward : Today, we are sometimes so anxious that some of us can even go back home to charge their phone so as not to miss an important call.

But soon we won’t have to worry about that anymore because we will have shared power banks available everywhere in shopping malls or in restaurants

I think this shows how we will share everything in the future. Nowadays, we share bicycles, cars, power banks and this indeed brings us convenience and efficiency.

But something interesting is that every time a new thing appears, an old one also disappears. Just like shared bicycles have disrupted the bicycle industry, shared power banks might also disrupt the mobile devices market.

But I think it’s a good thing, as thanks to the evolution of products, our life also evolves at the same time.

I think it’s great to see how our society becomes more efficient every day with the development of technology and business.

nothing = nothing in sight

There was nobody in sight (=to be seen)