Email Service Notes (Jacob)

Your Original Email

I rarely had fitness when I started to work, so I didn’t control my weight well enough and it was bad for the health. For figure out this question, I determined to do the gym in the gymnasium in 2008,when I was graduated from the collage about 5 years. At the beginning, I went for the exercise at least 2-3 times every week, and I usually take the running for 30-40 minutes , but after some time ,I found there was some voice from my right knee, especially when I climbed stairs. So then I ceased to go to gymnasium, and changed to play badminton and go swimming every week. I really like to the badminton, I play it with a club which has 8 members, we’ve usually playing for one hour in the mixed doubles, it feels good when you have a heavy sweat, it just likes many virus has outflowed your body. But you should really care of your wrist from broken. Speaking of swimming, I was really a freshman and I had attend a class to learn it, it reminded me of the PE class at the school, cause I had a nice teacher again. I spent nearly 3 classes to get skill swimming in the shallow water, but I feared to swim in the deep water, because I had near-drowning before, I’m very nervous and forget everything in that time, it is a nightmare for me.

Your Edited Email

I rarely had fitness exercised when I started to working, so I didn’t control my weight well enough and it was bad for the my health. For figure out this question, I was determined to do the gym exercise in the gymnasium in 2008 from when I was graduated from the collage about for 5 years. At In the beginning, I went for the exercise at least 2-3 times every week, and I usually take the running ran for 30-40 minutes, but after some time I found there was some voice pain (is this your meaning?) from my right knee, especially when I climbed stairs. So then I ceased to go to gymnasium, and changed to play badminton and go swimming every week. I really like to the play badminton, I play it with a club which has 8 members, we’ve usually playing for one hour in the of mixed doubles, it feels good when you have a sweat heavily , it’s just likes many virus has are out flowing out of your body. But you should really take care of your wrist to prevent it from getting broken. Speaking of swimming (see below), when I was really a freshman and I had attended a class to learn it swimming, it reminded me of the PE class at the school because I had a nice teacher again (see below). I spent nearly 3 classes to get the skills to swimming in the shallow water, but I feared to swimming in the deep water because I had near-drowning experience before. I’m very nervous and forgot everything in from that time, it was a nightmare for me.

Notes

Review this with the teacher in your next class. A lot of content that needs to be reviewed. Also I would recommend writing simple sentences and not such difficult stories.
– Voice in your knee = pain?
– I like to play + sport/game (badminton, football, basketball)
– can’t use ‘speaking of’ in writing
– can’t put ‘had’ in from of all verbs to make it past tense (ie. had attend)
– avoid using ‘the’ in front of every noun, and never in front verbs
– can only use ‘again’ if you say a similar story before (can’t say: I had a nice teacher ‘again’)

Edited by Jacob @ SE.