Email Service Notes (Ben)

Your Original Email

a place I have always wanted to go

America is the country i always want to go.

I like the spirt of America, freedom, independent, innovation, equality.

America is pretty big. the region I most want to go is Silicon Valley, a place fulling of passion and innovation and gatheing people who want to change the world

there are lots of great high-tech and start-up compies in there.

no matter where you are from, no matter who you are, only if you have craft and dream you can join the team “changing the world”.

i want to visit facebook, googel, apple, amazon if i have a chance, to learn their innovative spirt and try to find out the way how they work and how they can constanely come up with new ideas.

I know if i enter this academy, i will get the opportunty to go to Silicon Valley, that’s the another reason why I choose to apply for your academy.

Your Edited Email

A place I have always wanted to go

America is the country I have always wanted to go.

I like the spirit of America, its freedom, independence, innovation, equality.

America is pretty big. The region I want to go most is the Silicon Valley, a place full of passion, innovation and people who want to change the world

There are lots of great high-tech and start-up companies in there.

No matter where you are from, no matter who you are, only if you have skills and dreams can you join the “Change the World” team

I want to visit Facebook, Google, Apple, Amazon if I have a chance, I want to learn from their innovative spirit and try to find out the way how they work and how they can constantly come up with new ideas.

I know if I enter this academy, I will get the opportunity to go to the Silicon Valley. That’s the another other reason why I chose to apply to your academy.

Only ……. can/do you….

Only Sundays do I rest.

Only with time can you succeed.