Email Service Notes 9th October (Jesse)

Your Original Email

An introduction about myself
Hello, everyone. Please allow me to introduce myself. My name is Wang Chi from Shanghai. I’m 24 and now working in the government as an assistant for officals’ daily service. I changed my job last year and think the current job is adequate. In spare time I often work out in the gym, which is my favourite hobby. I have been putting many effots on it and in the future I believe I can become a V-shape man. I am also interested in language. Sine I was a child, I started to learning Engliish. However , I was not good at it, because I couldn’t invert my Chinese thinking patterns to English thinking pattern or I didn’t have English environment. This yaer, I made up my mind I must master English well, so I searched good organizationg in the internet. luckly I found the SE. Now I have been studying there for nearly three months. I believe I will make a lot of progress with the help of good teachers’.

Your Edited Email

A self introduction
Hello, everyone. Please allow me to introduce myself. My name is Wang Chi and I’m from Shanghai. I’m 24 and am now working in the government as an assistant for officals’ daily service. I began working in this current job last year and I am quite satisfied with it. In my spare time I often work out in the gym, which is my favourite hobby. I have been putting a lot of effort into it and in the future I believe I can become a V-shaped man. I am also interested in language and since my childhood, I have been learning Engliish. However , I was not good at it, because I couldn’t convert my Chinese thinking patterns into English thinking patterns or I didn’t have an English environment surrounding me. This year, I made up my mind that I must master English, so I searched for some good organisations online and luckly I found SE. Now I have been studying there for nearly three months and I believe I will make a lot of progress with the help of the good teachers there. <— you are and will 🙂