Email Service Notes 1st April (Tony)

Your Original Email – 

Something amazing is coming… …
It is Arket, the new brand just lunched by H&M. Finally I can tell you what I am working for, and finally the very beginning is coming.
https://www.yahoo.com/news/h-ms-arket-store-launch-fall-2017-154712561.html

The products of Arket is wonderful with classic styles which beyond the fashion. It is in high quality. So the price will be more expensive than H&M. But for the aimed consumers, it is affordable. And I believe you will think it is worth after buying it, because there is relentless attention to details with classic design, durable materials, good making and sustainability conscious. It will be the representative brand in H&M group to show their social responsible. Good quality, honorable spirit and relaxed on-site coffee, don’t you want to experience?

Your Corrected Email – 

Something amazing is coming… …
It is Arket, the new brand just launched by H&M. Finally I can tell you what I am working on, and finally the very beginning is coming.
https://www.yahoo.com/news/h-ms-arket-store-launch-fall-2017-154712561.html

Arket products are wonderful with classic styles which go beyond fashion. They are of a higher quality, so prices will also be higher than at H&M. But for target consumers, they are affordable. And I believe you will think they are worth buying, because there is relentless attention to detail, paired with classic design, durable materials that are well made and sustainably sourced. It will be the representative brand in H&M Group to show they are socially responsible. Good quality, good atmosphere and free coffee, don’t you want to check it out?

Good use of new phrases and words.

But, I’m still seeing a lot of simple mistakes here Louritta. Please pay attention to every word and have some patience to check if they are right and if it is really what you want to say. There is no reason you should be using the Singular form “IT IS” when you are talking about a line of products you will launch.