Email Service Notes 11th January (Tony)

Writing exercise

Original –

Dear SB,

For the coming training of GV in France, I would like to recommend Judy Xue, our xxx BM, to attend.
Judy transferred from WX to SHP in May. According to the monthly sales performance, P66 had tremendous increase from May, YTD +22.1% vs LY. She also established her management team, by recruiting 1 ABM and re-assigning the tasks to the other 2 ABMs. The xxx whole team was stimulated and achieved their higher and higher target by their focus on every business and client service.

In addition, HJ performance of P66 was attractive this year. With the help of Judy, P66 accomplished 5 deals, 8 pcs in tll. Especially 2 deals >6M, she share her experience to the SA before the event and supported them to close the deals on-site. She really brought a lot to her team, which could be the main reason that I would recommend her to participate this training.

Thanks for your attention. If any further comments, please feel free to let me know.

Correction

Dear SB,

For the coming training of GV in France, I would like to recommend Judy Xue, our xxx BM, to attend.
Judy transferred from WX to SHP in May. According to the monthly sales performance, P66 had a tremendous increase from May, YTD +22.1% vs last year. She also established her management team, by recruiting 1 ABM and re-assigning the tasks to the other 2 ABMs. The xxx whole team was lifted up and reached their high target by focusing on every business and client service.

In addition, HJ performance of P66 was attractive this year. With the help of Judy, P66 accomplished 5 deals, 8 pcs in total. Especially 2 deals >6M, she shared her experience to the SA before the event and supported them to close the deals on-site. She really brought a lot to her team, which could be the main reason that I would recommend her to participate in this training.

Thanks for your attention. If you have any further comments, please feel free to let me know.