Email Service Notes 24th June

Your Original Email
After class I usually take bus 825 from the school to my home. Before the bus started, a white haired old man took his little grandson got on the bus and sat in front of me. He hold the lovely baby in his arms, when they talked about some funny things, they laughed happily together. It looked they were so close and warm.
At that moment I really miss my grandpa so much! I couldn’t help thinking of him at all. My grandpa left us on 3th Feb 2005. It was raining all day and night, though it was 11 years ago. I never forget him, he is always in my heart. My grandpa is a kind man, he loves me, looked after me, played with me, taught me about something, and sometimes he also spoiled me.
It is raining hard outside the window, my heart is also raining.

Your Edited Email
After class I usually take 825 bus from the school to my home. Before the bus started, a white haired old man took his little grandson and got on the bus before sitting in front of me. He held the lovely baby in his arms, and when they talked about some funny things, they laughed happily together. It looked like they were so close and warm.
At that moment I really missed my grandpa so much! I couldn’t help thinking of him… (at all? what do you mean?). My grandpa left us on 3rd Feb 2005 and I remember that it was raining all day and night, even though it was 11 years ago. I will never forget him… he is always in my heart. My grandpa was a kind man, who loved me, looked after me, played with me, taught me about things, and sometimes he also spoiled me.
It is raining hard outside the window, and in my heart it is also raining.