F2F Class Notes (Jacob) [S]

Write about the outcome of your negotiations with the travel agency.

Vocabulary

Cooperate/Cooperation/Collaborate/Collaboration – working together

Careful not to confuse Corporation & cooperate

Corporate trip – going on a trip with your company

Original 

It doesn’t totally fail he gave us opportunity to revise our project. The thing is, their company organize tourist groups about 6000 people to Toronto, Canada. Our brand company of Canada has very heavy pressure to motivate the local trade. Because this year, the quantity of the trade is not very high. So they want the people of this group can pay the goods by our union pay cards. There are not so many places can use U.P. in Canada.

The rules of our marketing campaign are so complicated. The tourists must buy things of 1000 so he can get another coupon of $15.

What I can do is to give him some money of corporate like 50,000rmb.

Student Edits

It doesn’t totally fail. Because he gave us an opportunity to revise our project. The thing is, their company organized tourist groups about 6000 people to Toronto, Canada. Our brand company of Canada has very heavy pressure to motivate the local trade. Because this year, the quantity of the trade is not very high. So they want the people of this group can pay the goods by our union pay cards. There are not so many places can use U.P. in Canada.

The rules of our marketing campaigns are so complicated. The tourists must buy things of $1000, then he can get another coupon of $50.

I can do very little to help him, just can do is to give him some money of corporation, like 50,000rmb and push the staff of brand company to explore additional options

Final Edit

It didn’t totally fail because he gave us an opportunity to revise our project. The thing is, their company organizes tourist groups of about 6000 people to Toronto, Canada. Our brand company of branch in Canada has very heavy pressure to motivate stimulate the local trade. Because this year the quantity of the trade is not very high. So, they want the people of this group to can pay the buy goods by using our union pay cards. There are not so many places that you can use U.P. in Canada.

The rules of our marketing campaigns are so complicated. The tourists must first buy things of worth/valued at $1000 and then they can get coupon of $50.

I can do very little to help him, just give him some money for us to cooperate, like 50,000rmb and push the staff of our branch to explore additional options.

Grammar

They must first buy things worth $1000,then they can get a coupon of $50.