Email Service Notes (Tony)

Your Original Email

Hi there. I’m Fiona from Shanghai China. I’ve noticed that so many customers from different blood centers have already mastered a series of method to recruit platelet donors and they have decided to learn more effective and efficient ways to improve the recruitment result. If you are one of them, I strongly recommend you to watch this video. In the next several minutes, you’ll be hit where it hurt and inspired to think out of the box till you find your perfect recruitment resolution for 2018. Without any further ado, let’s get started.

Your Edited Email

Hi there, I’m Fiona from Shanghai China. I’ve noticed that so many customers from different blood centers have already mastered a series of methods to recruit platelet donors and they have decided to learn more effective and efficient ways to improve the recruitment results. If you are one of them, I strongly recommend you watch this video. In the next several minutes, you’ll be hit where it hurts and inspired to think out of the box till you find your perfect recruitment resolution for 2018. Without any further ado, let’s get started.

Very few mistakes in this.

But, are you sure you wanna use.    “You’ll be hit where it hurts” This usually means to cause someone some trouble, or hurt them mentally or even physically. Perhaps you could use a more neutral phrase.