Email Service Notes (Tony)

Your Original Email:

Persisting

I guess that everyone almost has dream. During our childhood, we said that I wanted to be a teacher, a scientist, an astronauts or an artist. According to the time to go, lots of people had forgot their dreams. They even became pessimism when they faced the reality life. What about their dreams?

I appeal to recall your dream, which is the best what you love. I believe that the path of pursuing your dream is the process of your growth. For my instance, I love painting, I am willing to enhance my painting ability and I should train and train again. One day in future,
I learn enough painting skill, I might be a painter on condition that I persist and never stop the step. I believe that when I am on a certain degree of professionalism, I will have a lots of friends because I have lots knowledge, which will be social currency. This is a friend’s circle age, the size of this circle will influence your future.

So go back to your dream and keep frighting!

Your Corrected Email:

Persistence (N.)

I guess that almost everyone has a dream. In our childhood, we said that we wanted to be a teacher, a scientist, an astronaut or an artist. Now since time has passed lots of people have forgotten their dreams. They even became pessimistic when they faced reality. What about their dreams?

I urge you to remember your dreams, which are the best of what you love. I believe that the path of pursuing your dreams is part of your growth. For instance, I love painting, I am willing to keep practicing until I get better. One day in the future,
If I get good enough at painting, I might become a painter, only if I persist and never stop taking the next step. I believe that when I reach a certain degree of professionalism, I will have a lot of friends because I have lots of knowledge, which will be social currency. It’s all about who you know, and having connections will help you in the future.
So revive your dream and keep fighting!

Pretty good writing Damon, however I changed a few things quite a bit, so it seems more natural. Make sure to ask me about this next time we have class.