Email Service Notes (Jesse)

Your Original Email

I usually took my daughter to Disneyland when she back to home from school. We have been there about 50times.We like Disneyland very much.But there have a little problem,About: the rude people.

The rude people doesn’ Like line up,and doesn’t know keep space to the other people,they usually standing too close.

And the rude people ‘s kids always looks like their parents,they also rude. The kids was good at used their small body to crowed the line,then they shouted their parents came to in front of where they are.It’s really impolite.When I saw that,I should told the kids go back to his line,and don’t do this again.But the rude parents were not think about this is all their fault.So they usually fighted with me.

Except that,Disneyland is a magic and beautiful place! We love it!

Your Edited Email

I usually take my daughter to Disneyland when she gets back home from school. We have been there about 50 times and we like it very much. But / However there is a little problem – the rude people.

The rude people don’t like lining up / to line up, and don’t know respect other people’s personal space / keep to their own personal space and they usually stand too close.

Also, the rude people‘s kids always look / act / seem like their parents, they are also rude. The kids are good at using their small bodies to crowed the line (what does this mean?) ,then they shout to their parents to come to where they are. It’s really impolite. When I see that, I tell the kids to go back to their place in the line, and don’t do this again, but the rude parents don’t think this is their fault at all, so they usually fight with me.

Except that,Disneyland is a magical and beautiful place! We love it!

Great, but remember it’s not past tense!! You’re telling me about the things you like to do etc…