Email Service Notes (Jesse)

Your Original Email

Dear Teacher,
Could you please help me correct the following emails which I sent to our vendor? They are responsible for our store maintenance work but recently I found they were not as professional as before. I want to stress this issue and make sure they are aware how’s serious of this issue?
However, I think I didn’t express myself in a proper way or words. Appreciate if you can help me to correct. Thanks.

Hi,
As discussed on the phone, we really appreciated your team’s effort for all the store maintenance work.
However, we found there were some issues for Beijing store maintenance and actually some of them couldn’t be happened such as the bulbs’ replacement.
Attached photos were taken by our store manager. You can see the serious damages when your workers tried to replace the glasses.
The reason you explained was that it was not easy to change and your workers were not familiar with the furniture produced by others.  However, I don’t think it is a reason.
All the workers should be trained by your experienced site mangers to make sure they are familiar with our standard and they know how to do the work properly.
If you still have difficulties and can’t fix it, then please let us know. We can work together to find the solutions.

For this issue, not sure if you can recover it. If not, we have right to claim for compensation. I will check this furniture’s quotation and will let you know later.

Thanks for your corporation.

Your Edited Email

Dear Teacher,
Could you please help me correct the following emails which I sent to our vendor? They are responsible for our store maintenance work but recently I found they were not as professional as before. I want to stress this issue and make sure they are aware of how serious this issue is?
However, I think I didn’t express myself in a proper way or with the right words. I would appreciate it if you can help me to correct it. Thanks.

Hi,
As discussed on the phone, we really appreciate your team’s effort on all the store maintenance work.
However, we found there were some issues for the Beijing store maintenance and actually some of them couldn’t be done, such as the bulb replacement.
The attached photos were taken by our store manager. Which show how serious the damage was when your workers tried to replace the glass.
The reason given was that it was not easy to change and your workers were not familiar with the furniture produced by a 3rd party. However, I don’t feel that this is an acceptable reason for the damage caused.
All workers should be trained by your experienced site mangers to ensure they are familiar with our standards and they know how to do the work properly.
If you still have difficulties and are unable to rectify them, it is important that you let us know so that we can work together to find an appropriate solution.
In terms of this issue, I am not sure if you can fix it but I need to advise you that we have the right to claim for compensation, which we will need to follow through on should the damage not be fixed. I am happy to provide a quotation on this following research into the costs associated with the furniture in question. 

Thanks for your cooperation.