Email Service Notes (Ben)

Your Original Email

I’m into

What do you do for a living? I’m a marketer in healthcare industry. What’s your passion? I’m into creative stuff. Am I into making money? Yes? Yes. The answer is doubtlessly correct because I need money to support my hobbies, like I need purchase camera, lens, softwares…for making pictures and videos and I need to pay air tickets and hotels ….for traveling ….. But it’s easier said than done; it’s not a piece of cake. Anyway, I have a job and some aging people found it hard to find a decent job. Thank God. Still I need more money；it’s a real shame that I can’t do things I like due to cash shortage.

Your Edited Email

I’m into

What do you do for a living? I’m a marketer in the healthcare industry.

What’s your passion? I’m into creative stuff.

Am I into making money? Yes? Yes. The answer is undoubtedly yes because I need money to support my hobbies. For example, I need TO purchase cameraS, lensES, software and other things for making to take pictures and videos and I need to pay for air tickets and hotels ….for WHEN travelling …..

(never use “…..” when writing. It is never correct.)

But it’s easier said than done; it’s not a piece of cake. Anyway, I have a job while some aging people find it hard to find a decent job. (why do you use the past tense if you’re speaking of now?)

Thank God. Still I need more money；it’s a real shame that I can’t do things I like due to cash shortage.

Ok good job Fiona !