VIP Class Notes (Lily)

Hi Nicole,

I didn’t see you today, I’ll correct the writing with you next class!

See you,

Lily

In China, it’s hard to set boundaries in relationships, as we are born and raised up in a collective culture. The culture ask us to share responsibilities, which may cause a crisis to understand and live in a independent life. Recently I’ve thought about how to set up personal boundaries in intimate relationships regarding I have lots of conflicts in my mind. The self boundaries means who you are and help you define what kind of life you want to live and what kind of person you want to be with.It contains several aspects: physical / emotional/sexual / intellectual / finicial boundaries

For me sometimes it’s very hard to say no to my close friends / partners. If I meet something that makes me feel uncomfortable, my intuitive reaction is to hold and depress it. As time goes by, the resentment and the uncomfortableness accumulated, I will be super angry, and sometimes I will yell out my feelings or needs, to my partners. which is harmful for any relationships and also for myself.

There are several steps I figure out to pull my self out of this vicious circle.
1’ Pay attention to any uncomfortableness in a relationship
2’Give myself sometime to think of the reason and take actions
3’ the actions could be communicating with my friends on what I’m feeling about and let her know my boundaries( but it asks for higher communication skills and courage)

The problem is how to have the courage and communicating your uncomfortableness without hurting your relationships?

Revised

In China, it’s hard to set boundaries in relationships, as we are born and raised up in a collective culture. The culture ask us to share responsibilities, which may cause a crisis to understand and live in a independent life. Recently I’ve thought about how to set up personal boundaries in intimate relationships regarding I have lots of conflicts in my mind. The self boundaries means who you are and help you define what kind of life you want to live and what kind of person you want to be with.It contains several aspects: physical / emotional/sexual / intellectual / finicial boundaries

For me sometimes it’s very hard to say no to my close friends / partners. If I meet something that makes me feel uncomfortable, my intuitive reaction is to hold and depress it. As time goes by, the resentment and the uncomfortableness accumulated, I will be super angry, and sometimes I will yell out my feelings or needs, to my partners. which is harmful for any relationships and also for myself.

There are several steps I figure out to pull my self out of this vicious circle.

1’ Pay attention to any uncomfortableness in a relationship
2’Give myself sometime to think of the reason and take actions
3’ the actions could be communicating with my friends on what I’m feeling about and let her know my boundaries( but it asks for higher communication skills and courage)

The problem is how to have the courage and communicating your uncomfortableness without hurting your relationships?