VIP Class Notes (Ally)[W]

Today we worked through some common mistakes in formal writing. We also edited Claudia’s essay from last class’ homework.

Vocabulary

different words for bad: problematic(general),  inappropriate, incorrect(wrong), substandard, inadequate (qualities)

The advantage of examinations is more than its disadvantage.
The advantages of examinations outweigh its disadvantages.

Teenagers shouldn’t swallow in online games. Otherwise, they can’t tell the illusion and the reality.
Teenagers should not be addicted to/be engrossed in online games. Otherwise, they cannot tell the difference between illusion and the reality/tell illusion from reality.

Today, media reports lots of crimes in horrible detail.
Nowadays, media often reports crimes in horrible detail.

Whether this policy can help expand the domestic labor market must be analysed.
Whether this policy can help expand the domestic labor market must be analyzed.

Many old people believe that kids have too much freedom nowadays.
The older generation believes that children have too much freedom nowadays.

Today, our world is becoming more and more reliant on the internet.
Today/nowadays/in the modern age/recently/with recent technological developments, our world is becoming increasingly reliant on the internet.

The conflict between humans and animals is really bad.
The conflict between humans and animals is particularly problematic.

Advertisements are everywhere. There are many ways to do advertisements.
Advertisements are everywhere, and there are many ways to do them.

The population is increasing with years. We must work together to cope with this situation.
The general population/population of China/the worldwide population is increasing with time/is gradually increasing/rapid increasing/increasing at a steady rate. Therefore, all the nations of the world/different nations must work together to cope/deal with this situation.

So, we should make sure that international tourism does not endanger our own traditional culture!
Therefore, we should make sure that international tourism does not endanger our own traditional culture.
(same for for, and, nor, but, or, yet … cannot start a full sentence)

If you look at it that way, it’s true that humans and animals have conflicting interests.
In this regard/from this prospective/in this case/from a broad historical perspective, it’s true that humans and animals have conflicting interests.

We must be friendly to others because the Bible said, “Treat your neighbours as you would like to be treated.”
Do not use words from famous people or bible…etc. in a academic essay.

Homework:

Some people in the education industry say that the advantage of examinations outweigh its disadvantages. What are your thoughts?

Examinations in education is an incredibly controversial topic in modern society. Some suggest that too many exams would impose greater stress on students, however, some think that the examination is the best way to measure students’ learning and for the teachers to better manage the teaching plans.

In a lot of Asian countries, such as China, Japan and Korea, there are more tests assigned for the students, especially in high school, where the education is regarded more important to achieve a higher results for students to apply for the universities. On the other hand, western countries tend to have less tests assigned, replaced by the assessments and group projects. The significant differences illustrate the vary opinion towards education. The Asian parents have the stereotypes of having too many attention on their children’s test results, which is the main reason why there were couple incidents of students commit suicide due to the higher than expected stress in Asian countries.

Contrary, there definitely are some benefits brought by the exams as well. The exam was designed to assess the ability of learning and knowledge of students, which is a crucial way to know if the students have put efforts in study. In addition, the intention of having exam for university entry is also a way to find the most suitable students for further education in particular courses. Although the stresses come along with the exams, but it is more important to have the incentive for students to be hardworking.

In conclusion, although the tests for students could be unnecessary, but it is still a very important method to assess their knowledge, not only for their parents, but for themselves to know their current problems and set a goal to work on.

Edited:

Examinations in education is an incredibly controversial topic in modern society. Some suggest that too many exams would impose greater stress on students. However, others think that taking examinations is the best way to measure students’ learning and the only way for teachers to manage the teaching plans.

In many Asian countries, such as China, Japan and Korea, there are more tests assigned for students, especially those in high school, where education is regarded as/to be more important in order to achieve higher results for college application. On the other hand, western schools don’t assign/hand out as many assessments, which are replaced by the assignments and group projects. This significant difference illustrates the varied opinion towards education. Stereotypical Asian parents place too much attention on their children’s test results. This unwanted attention is the main reason why there were couple incidents of students committing suicide due to higher, unexpected/unfortunate/unnecessary stress in Asian countries.

In contrast/on the contrary, there are definitely some benefits to taking exams as well. The exam was designed to assess the ability of learning and knowledge of students, and it’s a crucial way to know if the students have put efforts in their studies. In addition, the intent of entrance exams is to find the most suitable students for further higher education in particular courses. These harder college-level courses are only designed for students who can pass the required entrance exams. Although stress comes along with the exams, it is more important for students to find their incentive for learning. 

In conclusion, although tests for students can be seen as unnecessary, it is still a very important method to assess the students’ knowledge.  This is useful not only for their parents, but for themselves and for their prospective schools as well, in order to acknowledge/recognize current problems and set a goal for future studies.