Online Class Notes (Jesse) [W]

In China, it’s hard to set boundaries in relationships, as we are born and raised up in a collective culture. The culture ask us to share responsibilities, which may cause a crisis to understand and live in a independent life. Recently I’ve thought about how to set up personal boundaries in intimate relationships regarding I have lots of conflicts in my mind. The self boundaries means who you are and help you define what kind of life you want to live and what kind of person you want to be with.It contains several aspects: physical / emotional/sexual / intellectual / finicial boundaries

For me sometimes it’s very hard to say no to my close friends / partners. If I meet something that makes me feel uncomfortable, my intuitive reaction is to hold and depress it. As time goes by, the resentment and the uncomfortableness accumulated, I will be super angry, and sometimes I will yell out my feelings or needs, to my partners. which is harmful for any relationships and also for myself.

There are several steps I figure out to pull my self out of this vicious circle.
1’ Pay attention to any uncomfortableness in a relationship
2’Give myself sometime to think of the reason and take actions
3’ the actions could be communicating with my friends on what I’m feeling about and let her know my boundaries( but it asks for higher communication skills and courage)

The problem is how to have the courage and communicating your uncomfortableness without hurting your relationships?

In China, it’s hard / it’s difficult / it’s challenging / it’s difficult task / it’s tough / it’s common to find it difficult to set boundaries in relationships, as we are born and raised up in / we all come from a collective culture. The culture asks / expects us to share responsibilities, which may cause a crisis of understanding / a problem in understanding and prevent us from living independent lives. Recently / In the last few months I’ve thought / from a few months ago I started thinking about how to set up personal boundaries in (my close) relationships / in relationships with friends and family / relationships with people in my life and regarding / when it comes to this I am quite conflicted / confused. The self boundaries mean who you are and help you define / assist you in defining what kind of life you want to live and what kind of people you want to be with / around / you want to have surrounding you. It contains / it is comprised of several aspects: physical / emotional / intellectual / financial boundaries

For me sometimes it’s very hard to say no to my close friends / partners / colleagues. If I meet something that makes me feel uncomfortable, my intuitive reaction is to hold and repress it. As time goes by, the resentment and the discomfort accumulates, I will be super angry, and sometimes I will yell out my feelings or needs, to the other person in the relationship / to those around me, which is harmful to any relationships and also to myself.

There are several steps I figured out to pull my self out of this vicious circle.
1’ Pay attention to any discomfort in a relationship
2’Give myself sometime to think of the reasons behind it and take actions
3’ the actions could be communicating what I’m feeling to my friends and let them know my boundaries (but it asks for / requires / demands higher communication skills and courage)

The problem is how to have the courage and communicate your discomfort without hurting the others’ feeling.

Vocabulary

repercussions / ramifications / negative consequences (results)

repress your feelings / keep everything bottled up 

raise = to help sth grow (animal / person)
raise up = to lift it up

break down = anything ending badly
break up = bf / gf

set = to decide / one action
set up = install / a process of putting something in place

limbo – in the middle / no defined situation
eg. I feel like I’m in limbo at the moment

disbanded – to make a group split up
eg. our team will be disbanded

disected – to cut apart / deconstruct