Email Service Notes (Nick)

Your Original Email

Dear teacher
I’m trying to use words below to write a story, please help me to correct,thank you!

Harbor
Cockpit
Drop out
Bless
Conference hall
Orchid
Sardine
Solemnly
Crack a safe
Homie

There have a family that live in a small city where are locate in the Peru South American. Their family have 5 children live, so the parents need to work hard so fairly. They rent a pool near the harbor and use it to raise some special type of prawn. In the feeding industry that is dependent on the weather. So they hope the god will bless them and beware of everything. However, the cost about raising for the children are still not enough.

In 2018, the climate was not steady and they didn’t get a good profit. So they worry about the tuition fee of their children. There is a 17 years son who are oldest child in the family and doesn’t like to study in the school. He is named Terry.One day he heard the dialogue of that. He decide to drop out and try to do something to help parents and reduce their pressure.

So he contact his homie and want to find some methods, according the contacting he know the conference hall announce a new message recently which the government will hire some people to take a plane and protect some strongbox to the secret destination. He think that is good opportunity for him, he send his own file to the office and get that position easily.

During the time of the way to the destination, he find there are so many orchids and tinned sardine on the plane. He love it very much.

On the other hand, he notice some employees prepare to control the cockpit and crack some safe. He use satellite phone to contact the police and prevent their mission finally. The government invite him to make a speech about this action in the solemnly conference hall.

Your Edited Email

Harbor – yes, though the use doesn’t make it very clear that you know what a harbor is
Cockpit – correct, the room from which you control a plane
Drop out – correct
Bless – correct, for divine power to bring something good
Conference hall – maybe correct, this is a large place for holding large gatherings and giving presentations to large groups
Orchid – correct, a type of flower
Sardine – correct, a type of canned fish
Solemnly – (adverb), something done seriously, in a dignified manner
Crack a safe – correct, open a safe without the combination or key
Homie – correct

There have is a family that lives in a small city where are locate in the Peru, in South America. Their family has 5 children live, so the parents need to work hard so fairly. They rent a pool near the harbor and use it to raise some a special type of prawns. In the feeding aquatic agricultural industry that is dependent on the weather. So they hope the god of weather will bless them and beware take care of everything. However, their cost about income raising for the children are is still not enough to raise children.

In 2018, the climate was not steady and they didn’t get net / make a good profit, so they worry about whether they can pay the tuition fee of for their children. There is a 17 year-old son who are is oldest child in the family and doesn’t like to study /  in the go to school. He is named Terry. One day he heard the dialogue of that. his parents discussing their financial difficulties, so he decided to drop out and try to do something to help his parents and reduce their economic / financial pressure.

So he contacted his homie and want to find some methods opportunities. According the to his contacts, he know the conference hall announced a new message recently which that the government will hire some people to take a plane and protect some strongboxes en route to the a secret destination. He think that is a good opportunity for him, he sent his own file to the office and got that position easily.

During the time of the way flight to the destination, he found that there were so many orchids and tinned / canned sardines on the plane. He really loved it very much.

On the other hand, he noticed that some other employees were preparing to take control of the cockpit and crack some the safes. He used a/the satellite phone to contact the police and prevent their mission finally. The government invited him to make a speech about this action in the a solemnly ceremony in the conference hall.

— In the last two paragraphs, I added “that” two times. This is the other use of “that” that “which” cannot do, which is to connect two full sentences. In each, “that” introduces the object of the verb (either what was found or noticed), which is expressed through a whole phrase.