Email Service Notes (Nick)

Your Original Email

1. Created a recruiting strategy for developing a deeper talent pool from which to draw enthusiastic and talented candidates for our brand. In the first six months of the year, this program has quadrupled the year-to-date collection of new qualified candidate leads. The system now has 125 instructor leads coordinated in the database, including both new leads and also candidates looking to transfer to our city within the next 6 months.

2. Planning to attend the Nike Superworkshop and Trainer Summits for the purposes of building teacher database; and, planning, outreach, and negotiating partnerships with related studios to scale up talented pool. e.g. Collaborated with dance studios (Caster, GH5, Kinjaz) to hold training camps, consisting of 60+ attendees.

3. Managing key brand partnerships by maintaining close dialogue on cooperative strategy, to optimize brand awareness and instructor promotions. Built “Social Remix” series of community regular events to co-op with active lifestyle brands such as Nike, Apple …etc.

Your Edited Email

1. Created a recruiting strategy for developing a deeper talent pool from which to draw enthusiastic and talented candidates for our brand. In the first six months of the year, this program has quadrupled the year-to-date collection of new qualified candidate leads as compared with previous years. The system now has 125 instructor leads coordinated in the database, including both new leads and also candidates looking to transfer to our city within the next 6 months.

2. Planning to a Attended the Nike Superworkshop and Trainer Summits for the purposes of: building the teacher database; and, planning, outreach, and negotiating partnerships with related studios to scale up talented pool. e.g. Collaborating with dance studios (Caster, GH5, Kinjaz) to hold training camps, consisting of 60+ attendees.
(Correct me if I’m wrong, but this is related to the Superworkshop that you did before, right? So we should say “attended” instead of “planning to attend,” as the second implies that you are thinking about doing it in the future. If it is in the future, I would say “will attend” to make it more concrete than “planning to attend.”)

3. Managed key brand partnerships by maintaining close dialogue on cooperative strategy to optimize brand awareness and instructor promotions. Built / started the “Social Remix” series of regular community regular events to cooperate with active lifestyle brands such as Nike, Apple …etc.

(Also, the reason for using the “-ed” form is because it is more active than “-ing”)

A “Co-op” is a specific type of company organization, thus a noun and not a verb.