Email Service Notes (Nicholas)

Your Original Email

Dear Andy,
Nice to meet you. I have read your advertisement which you are looking for pen-friends and I am very glad to become your pen-friend.
I am Li Ping of 32 years old. I am married and live in Shanghai with my husband and my 8 years old daughter. I am working for a private trade company as an accountant for 3 year.
I like to do sports on my free time, such as running, swimming and yoga. I also like to watch movies with my family and read books if I was vacant. My favorite movie is love movie.
Looking forward to hearing from you.

Sincerely yours,
Wang Ling

Your Edited Email

Dear Andy,

Nice to meet you. I have read your advertisement where you are looking for pen-pals. I am very glad to become your pen-pal.

I am Li Ping and I am 32 years old. I am married and live in Shanghai with my husband and my 8 year old daughter. I have worked for a private trade company as an accountant for 3 years.

I like to play sports during my free time such as running, swimming and yoga. I also like to watch movies with my family and read books if I have idle time. My favorite movies are romance movies.

Looking forward to hearing from you.

Sincerely yours,
Wang Ling