Email Service Notes (Kyle)

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police investigate Chengdu food safety scandal.(lilyl)
A food safety scandal burst out in a primary school of Chengdu recently. About 36 students loosed bowels after eating student canteen’s food, then sent to hospital.Some parents posted the moldy food pictures on social media, argued that the canteen’s kitchen hygiene is bad and food is moldy, which sparked public’s outrage to school’s behavior.A n investigation group established quickly, and the school apologized that they have inescapable responsibility to the children and parents.

Your Edited Email

Police Investigation to follow after Food Safety Problems in Chengdu School

A food safety scandal broke out in a Chengdu primary school recently. Approximately 36 students have diarrhea/fallen ill after eating the school canteen’s food and were immediately sent to the hospital. Some of their parents posted pictures of the moldy food on social media, which sparked public outrage to the school’s conditions. A local investigation was quickly established and the school apologized and acknowledged  to fulfill their duty in maintaining the standard of school food and safety for the students.

-punctuation errors. Make sure to capitalize letters in a title: “Police Investigation”

-using nouns as adjectives. “Chengdu primary school” = a primary school in Chengdu

-Using diverse vocabulary; Approximately, fallen ill, fulfill their duty, standard

-loosen bowel= too broad, not appropriate language in this context

——————-> Do you mean diarrhea? 腹泻 ?

-Subject agreement and changing the subject. …the kids….<—Some of their parents