Email Service Notes (Jesse)

Your Original Email

I love my parents very much, so if I have much money, I would buy an enormous house for them and buy a luxurious car for myself.I think a house is big or small must be have some nasty insects like mice, cockroaches, centipedes and so on. And mice are bigger than cockroaches. These can feel me so terrible.When I watched the Tv shows, I saw AnneHathaway and a woman looks like her on the show.I just think the woman’s eye looks like Anne Hathaway’s eyes.

Your Edited Email

I love my parents very much, so if I have a lot of money, I would buy an enormous house for them and buy a luxurious car for myself. I think whether a house is big or small, it must have some nasty insects like mice, cockroaches, centipedes and so on. And mice are even bigger than cockroaches. These can make me feel so terrible, so I really hope my house doesn’t have any of them. When I was watching a TV show, I saw Anne Hathaway and a woman who looks like her in the show. I just think their eyes are really similar / she has the same eyes as Anna Hathaway.

Notes: “And mice are even bigger than cockroaches.” – so what? try to add some details to say why you said this. For example: it must have some nasty insects like mice, cockroaches, centipedes etc, which I hate! But mice are even bigger than cockroaches and centipedes so I hate them the most!