Email Service Notes (Jesse)

Your Original Email

In last month,I went to Aboro Boxing gym with my friend. When i got to neighborhood we are so surprised for what we see.There have Yoga,fitness gym, cycling Club and my favorite boxing gym ,we saw the people training,super session.That was pretty cool.I asked staff “How much is the tuition fee a year?” she told me 16000/year .that is real expensive.I told her i will saving money for pay the fee but i need one year .xd

Your Edited Email

Last month, I went to Aboro Boxing gym with my friend. When i got to the neighborhood / the surrounding area we were so surprised at what we saw. There was a Yoga place, gym, cycling Club and my favorite boxing gym! We even saw the people training in a super session which was pretty cool. I asked the staff “How much is the tuition fee a year?” she told me 16000/year which I thought was really expensive. I told her i will save up to pay the fee but i think I need one year .xd

Good piece of writing Yim! Try to use “Which” to add details to your sentences. Your past tense is generally good though – nice work.