Email Service Notes (Jesse)

Your Original Email

I don’t think there is correlation between the age and using the new digital products well. Because it’s obvious that the new generation is growing up with these products and also they use them more frequently than the elderly do. But it doesn’t mean all of them can use digital products better than the elderly. To some extent, the fact is that the elderly is more likely to choose traditional ways to communicate with each other and spend time with their friends and family face to face. I also know some of the elderly using these things better than younger people do. It’s unfair to say the elderly can’t catch up with the new technology. On the contrast, younger generation spend too much time in using cell phones. As a result, they have lost the ability of socializing with people in a real life. To deep extent, although someone has got so many comments and compliments on the internet , they still feel lonely in the actual life. In some way, I prefer the lifestyle of the elderly as sometimes I am tired of dealing with a bunch of messages on the internet.

Your Edited Email

I don’t think there is correlation between the age and using the the latest digital products well, because it’s obvious that the new generation is growing / has grown up with these products and also they use them more frequently than the elderly do. However, it doesn’t mean all of them can use digital products better than the elderly. The fact is that the elderly are, to some extent, more likely to choose traditional ways to communicate with each other and spend time with their friends and family face to face. I also know that some of the elderly use these things better than younger people do. It’s unfair to say the elderly can’t keep up with new technology. In contrast, the younger generation spend too much time in using cell phones and other such devices. As a result, they have lost the ability to socialise with people in a real life. To a deep extent, although some people have got so many comments and compliments on the internet , they still feel lonely in the actual life. In some way, I prefer the lifestyle of the elderly as sometimes I am tired of dealing with a bunch of messages on the internet.

ShenYe, I would avoid constantly using connectives like “to some extent”, “as a result” etc at the start of sentences. Just try to make natural sentences without using memorized structures. It’ll make your writing feel more natural and give it more personality.