Email Service Notes (Jesse)

Your Original Email


Write about your best memory working in an office

I have worked with many interesting partners when I used to work in an office. Because people who are in the culture industry are always creative and innovative, so I was happy to cooperate with them. Lisa, who is a marketing coordinator in our department. I used to think her as an open minded but a little bit careless girl, which always confused to me, since I had to spend more time doing the project with her. One day, we were preparing for an activity for one client before Halloween Day, but the host in the event took leave at that day temporarily, it was not easy for us to find a host in a short time. To my surprise, she put on the costume and worn the mask , and then she stood on the stage try to perform. It was so amazing that she could take on that job. We all had a blast for her good performing. I realized that she also had so many strengths that I never knew, and I have learned a lot from her after that event.

Your Edited Email


Write about your best memory working in an office

I have worked with many interesting partners / people / colleagues when I used to work in an office. Because People who are in the culture industry are always creative and innovative, so I was happy to cooperate with them. One of them is  Lisa, who is a marketing coordinator in our department. I used to think of her as an open minded but slightly / kind of careless girl, which always confused to me, since I had to spend a lot of time doing the projects with her. One day, we were preparing for an activity for one client just before / leading up to Halloween Day, but the host of the event took leave at that day temporarily, and it was not easy for us to find a host at short notice. To my surprise, she put on the costume and wore the mask , and then she stood on the stage try to perform. It was so amazing that she could take on that job and we all had a blast watching her good performance. I realized that she also had so many strengths that I never knew, and I have learned a lot from her since that event.

Remember: 2 ideas, 1 conjunction.
eg. I like coffee (1) , so I drink it every day. (2)
eg2. I drink coffee (1)  because I like it. (2)

Review the grammar mistakes from this email – there are a lot! Think about “the” – what does it mean? Why do we use it? Discuss with your teacher.