Email Service Notes (Jesse)

Your Original Email

As we all know it’s hard to find a huge park in the downtown, that’s the reason why people prefer to go to the countryside where has a lot of tremendous parks for people to relax after work. Luckily, there is a big park near my house, which is also a famous scenic spot in our city. The park is always peaceful and a blaze of colors. Some retired people who dwell nearby come to the park often. They do exercises, take a walk or sing together. It’s so interesting to meet different kinds of people in the same place at the same time. On weekends, you can see the kids running and jumping on a big lawn in it. Also ,some unmarried couples are into taking their marriage photos in this park. As for gardeners, they come rain and shine to keep the park look clean and beautiful. When you in the park , it will take my mind off stressful work or what not. It is also an escape from the hustle and bustle of a fast-paced city.

Your Edited Email

As we all know it’s hard to find a huge park in the downtown area of a city / in downtown Shanghai, which is the reason why people prefer to go to the countryside where there are / which has a lot of tremendous parks for people to relax after work. Luckily, there is a big park near my house, which is also a famous scenic spot in our city. The park is always peaceful and ablaze with / and full of color. Some retired people who dwell / live / have homes nearby come to the park often. They do exercise, take a walk or sing together. It’s so interesting to meet different kinds of people in the same place at the same time. On weekends, you can see the kids running and jumping on a big lawn there. Also ,some unmarried couples / engaged couples are into taking their marriage photos in this park. As for gardeners, they come rain or shine to keep the park looking clean and beautiful. When I’m in the park , it will takes my mind off stressful work or whatnot. It is also an escape from the hustle and bustle of a fast-paced city.