Email Service Notes (Jacob)

Your Original Email


Hiļ¼Œ

I would like to share my best trip experience with you. I choose the London. I went with my dear friend to attend her graduation two years ago, it was a summer, which was my first travel abroad. Actually, i was a little scare about it and thought continually will it be smooth?

But i never forgot that how much excited I was when I heard ā€œWelcome to London, we are boarding at Heathrow airportā€. This was the hometown of the adorable hero Mr. Churchill ā€™s . Yes, I adored him very much, he was brave, brought people win the world war two and gave people freedom.

During the whole trip days, I stayed with my friend almost, excludes the day that she visited her friends in another city. originally I decided to go together. But it was so far, I decided to stay in London alone finally. And I had to find a new accommodation temporarily. I was so lucky to found a household who could speak Chinese and his girlfriend was a Chinese.

I arrived his house in the morning after saying goodbye to my friend. the household, he was waiting me at the roadside when I arrived. After entering his house , he gave me a hot coffee first and we had a short and simple talk. i decided to went to the Charing Cross street as my first stop in single day. Itā€™s a little rainy with beautiful street music when I walked on it, I hold my umbrella through one and one old bookstore until I arrived the National Gallery. I had a rest in it with many paints. Walking out the museum , I went through the Rafalgar Square to the 10 Downing Street as final stop. Then I went to a restaurant to have my dinner. In the evening, I went to the theatre as the ending of this day.

The next day, after a good sleeping , I went to the British Museum in the morning. It was a sunny day, I had my breakfast in a park nearby. Through the park, you could found the British Museum easily. I stayed in there a whole morning. After lunch I went to the St.Paul’s Cathedral for sightseeing.

finally, I could saw my friend, I missed her so much.

Thanks for your time to read.

Your Edited Email


Hiļ¼Œ

I would like to share my best trip experience with you. I choose choseĀ the London. I went with my dear friend to attend her graduation two years ago, it was a during theĀ summer which was my first time toĀ travel abroad. Actually, I was a little scared about it and thought continually will it be smooth?‘.

But i never forgot that how much excited I was when I heard ā€œWelcome to London, we are boarding at Heathrow airportā€. This was the hometown of the adorableĀ (this word means cute, maybe you mean a different word?)Ā hero Mr. Churchill ā€™s . Yes, I adored him very much, he was braveĀ and brought people helpedĀ win the world war two and give people freedom.

During the whole trip days, I stayed with my friend almostĀ excluding the day that she visited her friends in another city. Originally I decided to go together, but it was so far away so I decided to stay in London aloneĀ in the endĀ finally. And I had to find a new accommodation temporarily. I was so lucky to found findĀ a household who could speak Chinese and his girlfriend was a Chinese.

I arrived atĀ his house in the morning after saying goodbye to my friend. The household, he hostĀ was waitingĀ for me at the roadside when I arrived. After entering his house , he gave me a hot coffee first and we had a short and simple talk/discussion. I decided to went goĀ to the Charing Cross street as my first stop in during my ‘single day. Itā€™s wasĀ a little rainy with beautiful street music when I walked on it. I had my umbrella and walkedĀ through one and one old bookstore until I arrivedĀ at the National Gallery. I had a rest in it with many paintings. Walking out ofĀ the museum, I went through the Rafalgar Square to the 10 Downing Street asĀ my final stop. Then I went to a restaurant to have my dinner. In the evening, I went to the theatre as the ending of this day.

The next day, after a good sleeping , I went to the British Museum in the morning. It was a sunny day, I had my breakfast in a park nearby. Through the park, you could found findĀ the British Museum easily. I stayed in there a whole morning. After lunch I went to the St.Paul’s Cathedral for sightseeing.

Finally, I could see my friend, I missed her so much.

Thanks for your time to read.


Edited by Jacob @ SE

Hi Nickole, just some quick notes from reoccurring things.

  • You don’t need to use ‘the’ if the place has a name. For example:Ā St.Paul’s Cathedral,Ā Rafalgar Square,Ā Charing Cross street
  • A good topic for your next class would be how to use tenses when telling a story. The way you structure a sentence affects the way we use our tenses. I would recommend asking your next teacher to cover this with you. Examples from your work include found/find, see/saw.